That was not meant as making fun but as a serious question. If you're on a mac, the double finger drag is a possibility no? If your trackpad is too old and doesn't support multi finger gestures (or you actually don't have one), why not buy their bluetooth one:
It really is pretty awesome.
Fyi, I've had to stop using mouses after a couple years on a windows pc because of pain in my arm and shoulder. The last 10 years or so on windows I've very happily used one of these:
So I really know where you are coming from. To be honest, since I've been using the apple trackpads I haven't had a single problem pain-wise.